Letting Go

I never knew how hard letting go of the past was until I had one to let go of. I didn't even really care if I let go of it until I met Bradley. Whether he realizes it or not he changed my life. I look back on how it used to be and I miss some things and other's I don't. Somethings bring back bad memories and other things take me back to the good ones. I know I talk about Brad a lot anymore but he is a huge part of my life now, better yet he is my life. Right now and hopefully for a long time he is the one constant I have. I don't trust anybody else and sometimes it's even hard to trust him but I know he loves me. It took me a while to believe it and come to terms with it but now I realize that he does. I don't understand though why it's so hard for me to let go of all the painful things I went through in my past and look forward to the good one's. It works for a while and then I have these moments where I can't get it out of my brain. Maybe that's just what makes me human though. I'm sure he has moments like those too. And I know my mom and grandmother do all the time and my friends too. I thought that at the time it wouldn't effect me in the long run that much but it really did. Because of what I did and what happened, it effects the rest of my life. My personality, everything and I hate myself for it. I never thought I would want to take any of it back but I do. If I could do it over again, I would change everything. Until then I guess I'll just keep trying, keep pushing things away and locking them in the corners of my mind and when it get's to be too much, I guess I'll cry and let it out all at once. That's what I always do. But seriously though, if there is anyone who is reading this and you have any doubts about you're actions, don't do it. Be careful who you give you're everything to because once it's gone you can't give it to the next person. And it sucks...balls....hairy one's.