My Inner Discovery

I've discovered something recently about myself that I need to change. I realize that even though I think I've forgiven someone I really haven't. I tend to not be able to let go of the past very easily and when someone does something to make me mad I keep bringing up the past and I don't even mean to. Then it just makes things worse than what they already are. I need to stop doing that. It's happened one other time in my life and that was right after I got out of depression. Well I guess it's just a coincidence that I just got out of depression due to the love of my life. I can sort of feel myself slipping back into it sometimes because after I graduated I lost almost all of my friends. The one friend  I do have lives in Nebraska so not very helpful when Brad goes somewhere with his friends. I'm just stuck at the house doing nothing or going places alone. I mean I don't have a problem going places alone, I never have but it would still be nice to have someone I could hang out with and talk to. I have Brad and he's my ultimate best friend but still I can't talk to him like I can another girl. I don't want to tell him to stay home with me because that's just fucked up to keep him away from his friends and it's not like he goes out with them all the time. I mean if  I wanted to I could go with them but I'm not good around people I don't know. I'm just awkward and quiet and weird. Anyways that is completely off topic but I vented a little bit and kinda feel a little better. Kinda... Well anyways it's late and I'm not going to bed but I"m getting off of here so goodnight to the one person who reads this.